Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
What’s so tricky about frozen yogurt?, you ask. Ordinarily I’d say nothing, like a normal person. But after a meander along the sands of Mission Bay, the sights, sounds, colours and crowds of KiwiYo can be overwhelming.
KiwiYo is a build-your-own frozen yogurt dispensary – you pick and choose from a wall of yogurt flavours, then head over to the candy bar to pile on as many lollies, chocolates, nuts, fruits and sauces that you please.
Everyone seems to rave about this particular popsicle stand – but honestly the yogurt is a little sugary, syrupy and straight-up sub-par.
But the novelty value is a pretty good time. So instead of analysing every mouthful, here’s a list of beginner pitfalls – learned the hard way by yours truly – so you can make the most of this over-stimulating shop of sweet frozen treats.
Do not:
1. Visit mid-afternoon on a sunny weekend
But who goes to Mission Bay at any other time? So be prepared to wait – the queue even has rope lines out on the sidewalk.
2. Be a wallflower
Crammed in the same small space will be A) tourists or B) teenage girls. Both renowned for their milling abilities. So forget the manners yo mama taught you, sneak out those elbows and dodge your way up to the yogurt machines.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
3. Even try to share a tub
Sure, it’s Valentines Day and all, but this is not the time or place for that kind of carry-on. The other person will make bad taste choices. Heck, you will too. And that kind of fro-yo resentment is not something you want to mess with.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
4. Make like Sir Mix-A-Lot
Once you’ve chosen your yogurt flavour, that’s it – baby, there ain’t no going back. The candy flavours taste a little fake and syrupy, so taste test – there are cups hidden off to the side. Hard rule: Stick to two or less flavours. You will regret three. Just, trust me.
5. Forget to read the labels
The yogurt flavours have listed ingredients and allergy warnings next to them. Unfortunately the toppings don’t, so use your gluten free common sense – chocolate is good, biscuit crumbs not so much. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
6. Make like a kid in a candy store
There are a lot of exciting lollies and sauces going on. But it’s best to pick a flavour scheme and stick to it. Here’s a venn diagram to explain:Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
7. Mix sweetened condensed milk and lychees
It tastes really weird.
8. Overload on the toppings
Try to curb the child-like enthusiasm in the face of all the candy. Kiwiyo operates on a weight-based price system, so the more you pile, the more you pay. Just like lolly pick’n’mixes, the cost can spiral wildly out of control.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
9. Take your eyes off the prize, baby
This yogurt melts. Fast. So you must eat it as quickly as you can. Sure, you may be with charming friends that you’d like to speak to. Yes, the scenic beach scene is lovely. Of course, brain freeze is painful. But there will be time to deal with this later. Because, believe me, that yogurt will melt.
And all you’ll be left with is a sickly sweet liquid, sour grapes and maybe a rogue eskimo floating despondently in your cup. Carpe diem, my friend, because frozen yogurt waits for no man.Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
My rating: 5/10
- Quality: 3/10
- Value: 4/10
- GF selection: 6/10
- Service: 6/10
- X-Factor: 9/10
KiwiYo Self Serve Frozen Yogurt | 95 Tamaki Drive, Mission Bay | www.kiwiyo.com |
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
